The Beast Inside
by La Chatte de la Nuit
Summary: From manga. "What are you?" "I... don't know." The last time I had seen this house it had been a burnt out shell, I had stepped out my coach on a rainy morning not too dissimilar to this one and watched my world crumble. Catherine has so many faces she doesn't know who she is anymore, but when Ciel returns from the dead with his butler all in black she is forced to ask 'What am I'
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The last time I had seen this house it had been a burnt out shell. I had stepped out of my coach on a rainy morning, not too dissimilar to this one, umbrella in hand and watched my world crumble.

That had been two years ago, last month I had discovered that not all of the Phantomhive's had perished in the fire and I had come as quickly as I could. I had been living in hell for the last two years up until a few months ago when Paula had come across me or perhaps I had come across Paula in the East End of London and she had insisted on taking me back to Midford Manor. Since then I had worked as a sort of family butler slash play mate for Elizabeth. I had insisted on being allowed to work, after all I had to pay for my keep. It would have wounded my pride to return home and killed me to join a convent like I was supposed to. The Midford's had been kind to me, though we hadn't spoken since the Phantomhive fire, with the Marchioness Francis Midford delighting in training me as some kind of protégée. And, of course, I loved dear Elizabeth like a sister, she was now as good as (if not better than) me when it came to fencing- not that I would ever admit that to her, of course. But I felt hurt, betrayed even, and absolutely furious when I discovered the other morning at breakfast that they had received a letter from the Phantomhive's country residence. Ciel was alive, Ciel had survived the fire and no one had bothered to tell me! I had left as soon as I could and travelled by coach to the spot where I now stood. I hadn't really believed it to be true until now, but here stood the manor, just as it had two years ago. It looked no different, the rebuild was completely identical.

I squeezed the handle of my umbrella, alright it was time to stop putting this off. Taking a deep steadying breath, I marched purposefully towards the huge front doors and hammered on the wood.

/

I turned around, facing the rain sheeting down from the porch, my coach had already ridden off, it was too late to turn back now. Anticipation and fear of disappointment squirmed in my stomach. I was just considering knocking again, when slowly the door inched open. Trying my best to hide my surprise, I took in the figure in front of me. He couldn't have been much older than myself, but he was certainly smaller than me, with blonde hair and blue eyes. This wasn't Ciel nor any of the servants I knew. I wondered if perhaps I was mistaken and a new family lived here now.

"Hello!?" We asked in unison, looking at each other wide eyed. "I'm sorry," I continued, "I'm here to see the Earl Phantomhive, is he in?"

"N-no, the young master is out at the moment, is he expecting you?"

I breathed a sigh of relief; the young master, that had to be Ciel. "No, he isn't, but I'm sure he won't object to me waiting, what time will he be back?"

"Lunch time I think, but you can't just come in," he put a hand across the opening to stop me from entering the house.

I smiled at him, he might have been around my age, but I was already considering him a lot younger than myself. "Who are you exactly?"

"Finnian," he waited, looking at me expectantly, as if that explained everything. I raised an eyebrow and he jumped slightly, colouring, "Oh, the- the gardener."

"Right, well I'm just going to wait for Ciel in his study," I was talking slowly so he understood every word. Laying my hand on his arm, I pushed it away while trying to get through the door. I stopped in surprise when his hand didn't move; this child, whoever he was, was obviously a lot stronger than he looked. "I'm an old friend of Ciel's, he won't mind me waiting."

The boy, Finnian, wavered for a second and I took my chance. I ran past him and up the main stairs, because this wasn't an opportunity I was going to miss. I came to a stand still in an office that had once belonged to Vincent, Ciel's father. It looked almost the same, like I had just stepped back in time. Finnian appeared in the doorway, "You can't wait here, the young master said-"

"Never mind what the young master said, look if you're that worried about what I'm going to do you can wait with me if you like."

"Oh, well," Finnian blinked, "it's just, we're meant to be making the young master's lunch, for when he returns."

"Oh, are you the cook as well?" It wasn't what I expected of the Phantomhive's, but perhaps Ciel didn't mind his servants playing multiple roles.

"No, Baldroy's the cook, but we're all helping, we want it to be perfect when the young master returns."

"Right," I nodded, "how many servants are there?"

"Three- no, four. No, wait, five."

"Err, right, well if you don't trust me alone in the house, I can help you all with lunch."

"Oh, okay," the boy brightened instantly and took my wrist, leading me out of the room.

/

"Would you mind letting go of my hand," I gasped, gaping at the bruise already flourishing on my wrist; Ciel was certainly well protected if all of his servants were like this. "Do you know what Ciel does?"

"Yeah, he owns the Funtom company."

"Does he!?" I didn't know that, but I often saw the products in shop windows. The brats of the upper class went mad for Funtom. But that wasn't what I meant. I wondered if Ciel had kept up the family business, but looking at the boy in front of me, I decided he didn't know. I could tell from the brightness in his eyes that he was about to tell me in great detail about the joys of Funtom, when thankfully we arrived at the kitchen door and it opened in front of us.

"Oh there you are, Finny," the girl stopped short in the door way. She wasn't much taller than Finnian, with dark red hair and huge circular glasses. I guessed from her dress she was a maid and as she noticed me I watched in horror as the large plate she held in her hands slipped from her fingers and plummeted toward the ground. Dropping my umbrella, I dove forward snatching the plate before it smashed and straightened quickly. "Who," asked the girl, "is this?"

But before I could respond, I had pushed past her into the kitchen and was hurrying toward a man stooped over a plate with a blow torch. I hoped that the quickly blackening piece of meat wasn't meant for the Earl's lunch.

He glanced up and looked me up and down, "Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?"

"Never mind that; who are you and what are you doing to that piece of meat?"

He looked down at it surprised and said, "What do you mean?"

Taking the torch from his hand, I said, "You can't serve that, it'll be burnt outside and raw inside." I sighed and surveyed the servants before me. Judging by Finnian's performance, Ciel had chosen them based on their ability to protect him, but that didn't make them good at their job. "Alright," I said "let's make the Earl some lunch."

/

Two broken plates and a charred bowl of vegetables later, the four of us stood in the kitchen surveying our handy-work. Together we had managed to set the table and prepare an appropriate lunch for an earl, out in the hall I heard the clock strike quarter to one. "Ciel should be here soon, I had best go wait in the study."

"It'll be a lovely surprise for him," grinned Mey-Rin clasping her hands.

"I hope so," I nodded grinning to myself at the thought of seeing Ciel again. I had told my story (or some of it at least) to Finnian, Mey-Rin and Baldroy, who apparently thought me a lot more trustworthy now I had helped prepare lunch.

"I'll go with you, if y'want," suggested Baldroy, but I simply smiled, "Thank you, Baldroy, but I'll be quite alright. Ciel shouldn't be long, the Phantomhives are usually very punctual."

* * *

As Sebastian held the door for his master to enter the manor, he knew something was wrong. It wasn't the smell of well-cooked food or the lack of screaming coming from the kitchen or the fact that the servants weren't lined up ready to apologise for everything that had gone wrong, it wasn't even the unusual yet familiar scent on the air. He simply knew that someone was in the house that shouldn't be. He raced past the confused-looking Earl and followed the scent up to his master's study. There, in front of the desk, her back to the door was a tall woman; her long blonde hair fell freely and her black dress fell to her knees held out by petticoats, both very against the fashion of the time. Completely silently, he approached her.

* * *

It wasn't so much a sound of movement, but more a shift in the air, the sense of a presence behind me. I waited until I could feel breath moving my hair, then spun around, my hand reaching for a concealed knife, just in case. As I locked eyes with the tall, dark-haired man in a butler's tailcoat behind me, I had to stifle a gasp. I knew this man. I had met him at a party some months earlier, in disguise as the Frenchwoman Magritte. From the look on the man's face he hadn't made the connection.

"And who, may I ask, are you?" He slipped round me to scan the desk, probably making sure I hadn't taken anything of worth.

I lifted my chin, "I am the Midford family butler and I am here to see the Earl Phantomhive."

The man before me raised an eyebrow, "Butler-" he began when a voice sounded from the hallway "Sebastian, who is it?" A voice I knew all too well, "Sebastian, who's there? Ah, oh- And who are you?" As soon as he had entered the room his voice had become more adult, more mature, more in control, he almost sounded like his father. The little boy I had known was gone. "Who are you?" He demanded, repeating the question.

I turned to face the boy framed in the door way, "Ciel!?" I could hardly believe my eyes, as I watched his widen, all this time a little part of me had still entertained the idea that I might be wrong.

"Catherine!" He rushed toward me and I held him tight in my arms. "Oh Ciel! Where have you been? What happened to you? The fire, Ciel. Oh, what happened?" I leaned back, holding him at arms length taking everything in. Slowly, I raised my left hand to his face, rubbing my thumb over the patch that now covered his eye. "What happened to you? Where did you go?" I whispered it as if afraid of the answer, but he simply shook his head and moved to sit behind his desk.

"Well, what about you?" He exclaimed, "Where have you been? Why didn't you come visit me sooner?"

"I couldn't, Ciel, I've been away for two years, I only just found out you were here. Oh Ciel, all this time I thought you were... Dead," I could hardly the voice the last word, which seemed to encompass all my fears.

"The Midford's didn't tell you the young master was alive?" This sceptical question was voiced by the butler, who stood by his master's side watching me.

I pursed my lips and frowned, considering the last time we had met. He had been so different then to this cold, suspicious figure, but neither encouraged my trust. "No, they didn't. I think they thought I knew," I said shortly.

"The Midford's..." Began Ciel slowly.

"Yes," the butler answered for me, "she tells me she is their family butler."

I didn't feel the need to respond to that, after all what I had told the butler was true. Ciel looked at me in silence, but said nothing. "You've acquired new servants," I remarked, looking pointedly at the man whose eyes never wavered from me. He was the only person I'd seen in this place who wasn't a child or acted like one.

"This is my butler, Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Catherine," Ciel gestured between us.

I stepped forward at the introduction and held my hand out to the butler. An arrogant gesture of a noblewoman, one that I hadn't performed for many years, apparently being in this house, seeing Ciel was bringing back old habits. The butler stared at my outstretched fingers in surprise for a few awkward moments, then, as was the custom, pressed my gloved fingers to his lips. I half-curtsied to try and relieve my embarrassment at the arrogant act and stepped back. The butler looked over me, taking in my ridiculously-short knee-length dress, kid gloves and boots, untied hair and expensive looking umbrella. I could almost see in his eyes him considering my mannerisms, accent, the fact I called the Earl 'Ciel' and the butler of the Midfords' that he knew. "I had no idea," he said slowly and purposefully "that the Midfords' had acquired a new butler." He glanced at his master who had a smile playing across his face.

"Sebastian, meet Catherine, the Countess Roderick and my best friend." I couldn't help smirking, as I watched the butler's face colour, "Forgive me, your Ladyship, I had no idea."

"No matter," I waved off his bow, "one of the joys of being a servant to the Midfords is telling other families' servants that my father is the Earl Roderick and watching them squirm."

"You really are trying to drag his name through the dirt, aren't you?" Smiled Ciel.

"No! Well, I wasn't. I decided to make up for my wildness and intelligence and political views that are so unbecoming of a young lady by relinquishing my title. Yeah, that's right Ciel, I actually gave it up. I was going to join a convent, but I would have died from boredom if the discipline hadn't killed me first. So I've been living in the East End, near Whitechapel and because I was nowhere near the rich my disguise didn't have to be too thorough. I created a whole new life, a whole new person and I've been renting a room there since- since the fire. I've been living with the poorest of the poor and, oh Ciel, for them everyday is hell and that is all they know."

From the look of horror on Ciel's face, he would never consider doing such a thing, "But why?"

"I had to get away, I had to get away from all this," I gestured to the room around me and I didn't just mean the death of the Phantomhives but the parties and riches too, "So I left, you see now why I didn't know you were back. Ciel, I thought you had all perished in the fire, we had your funeral!

"A few months ago I bumped into Paula -you remember Paula- any way, to my shame she recognised me instantly and insisted I come with her. I think she was lost, so I escorted her back to a more respectable part of town, where we walked straight into the Marchioness. Now, it's one thing to refuse a maid, but quite another to refuse a marchioness and Francis on top of that. So I've been working for the Midfords -I insisted on working, I've got to pay my keep, you know- ever since. I love dear Elizabeth, of course, and Francis is wonderful, as is Alexis who reminds me so much of my father and Edward... It's still a little awkward with Edward, after everything... I never brought up the fire, it didn't seem appropriate and so they never said anything either. It wasn't until they received a letter from you at the end of last month that I even knew you were alive, Ciel.

"You have no idea what I went through, when I stepped out of my coach that morning to a burnt ruin. I had come as a surprise early the next morning, because I couldn't attend your birthday and because Vincent had sent me correspondence about an important matter he needed to discuss with me urgently. I don't suppose I'll ever know what that was about," I looked up at Ciel and he looked like a vulnerable little boy again, the best friend I used to know.

He bowed his head and said gravely, "And you have no idea what I went through during the time after I was taken from that fire."

I looked down, "No," I whispered "I don't."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Okay, this is the second time that I've lost the bulk of a chapter for this fanfic, I think it's cursed. I'm going to keep going but I am not repeat NOT happy. Take note laptop, do this again and I remove your keys, key by painful key. Hope you're enjoying it so far though it's just started. And thank you so much to everyone who followed, favourited or just read my story, it means so much, it really does. Thank you to AyA-NaTsUami for your lovely review and making me correct my spelling mistakes, through which improved the wording of my story so far.

* * *

Chapter 2

"I shall check if dinner is prepared, sir," the butler, Sebastian, broke the reflective silence and bowed himself out of the room. I tried to hide a smile, knowing, of course, the state of lunch. "Come along, Ciel. Let's make mischief," Ciel smiled up at me sadly as he rose from his desk; it was something we said all the time before.

As we headed for the dining room, I slipped my arm through Ciel's although he was much too small now. I looked down at him as we walked, he hadn't grown an inch in the last two years, in fact I'd even say he'd shrunk (but I supposed that I'd simply grown), either way he was definitely thinner. "Your butler," I started "there's something about him that I can't quite place my finger on."

"He's just a servant," Ciel muttered indifferently.

"He's still a human, Ciel," I looked at him reproachfully, but he simply smirked at my remark. "Well, I'm right and you know it!" I might not have liked Ciel's butler, but I felt very strongly about the treatment of servants and their true equality to their 'masters'.

"Perhaps you are, Catherine, perhaps you are. Maybe Sebastian's human after all."

I looked at him quizzically, raising an eyebrow slightly, but as he offered no explanation to his odd musings I carried on with my point, "Anyway, there's just something strange about him, Ciel. I don't like him. It's like he's... Missing something. I don't know, it just feels wrong," I sighed, it wasn't right for me to feel like that about someone (and it wasn't just because of my previous experience) but there was just something about that man that simply didn't feel right, like the feeling I got in some uncared for, unholy churches. And yet, perhaps there was something else to him too...

/

I sat by Ciel in the dining room, eagerly awaiting Ciel's expression at the sight of his saved dinner.

"Our best silverware," Ciel mused, turning a spoon before his eyes.

"Well," I hid a smirk "you do have a guest, after all."

"I'm surprised it's polished... And that the plates are all whole," he really did look genuinely surprised.

"Servant trouble?" I asked innocently.

"Mmm."

"Dinner, sir, my lady," the butler wheeled in a trolley supporting the lunch.

"You worked fast, Sebastian," Ciel commented as lunch was laid out.

"To be truthful, sir, I did not prepare the lunch for today," they both wore equally surprised expressions, before Ciel, fork halfway to his mouth, narrowed his eyes, "You."

"Me?" I said, cutting into my lunch.

"You did this."

"No need to look so accusing; I saved your lunch. Really, I couldn't let them shatter the Phantomhive kitchen ware, and, you know, Bard.. err.. your cook, because I absolutely do not know him personally, he was trying to cook meat with a blowtorch! It would be raw inside and charred black outside! I simply _had_ to step in, Ciel, I really did."

Ciel waved away his butler and I watched him leave the room with the trolley. There was even something odd in the way he moved too, it was so... Efficient. Not the careless movements of a human, but a poised elegance, like a machine. He didn't smell of anything either, soap and, oddly, cats, but no personal scent. I wondered, briefly, if perhaps cogs turned in his head, ticking round. There was a tick when he was near... But that was a pocket watch, of course it was, there was no way that Ciel's new butler was a machine. Was there?

"So," Ciel cut through my silly thoughts, "what have you done while living with the heartbreaking poor?"

I rolled my eyes, "You don't want to know. No, trust me, you really don't, you wouldn't approve. Of course, you wouldn't disapprove as much as my father and I don't think anyone could disapprove as much as Edward would if I told him, but still. You would be thoroughly unhappy."

"You had a job, didn't you?" Ciel whispered hoarsely and his fork shook, "You were- _selling_ something, weren't you?"

"Yes," I smiled gently, "I suppose you could put it like that... And you? I mean, at least tell me how you survived and where you got your butler and your other servants."

"I was kidnapped by the bastards that killed my predecessors," he swallowed "Sebastian saved me, sort of. The others I acquired, they needed somewhere to go and I needed capable servants."

"Capable?" Ciel hadn't looked up in a long time, but I wasn't going to drop this line of inquiry just yet, "They evidently aren't capable at their assigned jobs, so what exactly makes them capable? I mean Finny wasn't too keen on letting me in, the strength on that boy, and a cook that uses a blowtorch on meat? I'd like to see what he could do with a gun... Actually, on second thoughts, no, I'm sure I wouldn't."

Ciel smiled, "They have their specific skill sets."

An identical smile spread across my own lips, "Of course they do," after all, that was the Phantomhive way.

/ /

"So Sebastian," we were in the kitchen, Sebastian was preparing Ciel's afternoon tea and the boy in question was upstairs doing business work, real business. Apparently, they had had visitors in the town house not long before I arrived. I leaned against the table, in the meantime I had endeavoured to find out all I could about the butler. I was in a position of advantage, as he seemed to not remember our previous encounter, in which, I remembered with a wry smile, I had almost broken his arm. Not that that made up for his misconduct, of course. Ha, misconduct was a vast understatement, I just hoped that it hadn't been on Ciel's orders. "What did you do before joining Ciel?"

* * *

Insolent, arrogant, spoiled, human brat; her familiar scent still bothered his sensitive nose. Why on earth had she bothered her pretty, brainless head with the poor? She seemed intent on finding out about his past. Although he didn't look up from his preparations, he noted the cat-like way she stretched against the table. _This_ was the young master's best friend? Whatever did he see in her? "I travelled a lot," she didn't need to know it was over a period of thousands of years.

"Oh really," she pulled her face into what she probably thought was a sweet smile, "Though you're obviously a skilled butler, beneath whom did you train? I might know them, you know, I have a lot of- connections."

Sebastian hid a grimace; arrogant, narcissistic, aristocratic human. He spat the word even in thought, as if it was an insult. It was. He almost felt sorry for the thing, being human... _almost_. Odd creature; she had known he was behind her in the study. Simple, incompetent prey, she shouldn't have heard him, and yet... "You could say I was self-trained."

"Oh really? And could you perhaps tell me, what is a third of one?" She stretched her back and kneaded her knuckles into the table and blinked round, innocent eyes.

"Excuse me!?" Was this a test? Some kind of intelligence quota? In the modern 19th century, did butlers need a degree from Oxford? Did a simple mind feel a little too close to home for the nobles?

"Never mind, but could you possible tell me why a sunset is so beautiful?" Ah, he understood now. In this age of industrialisation and pre-raphaelitism, ideas about men made of dead bodies or cogs and screws and brought to life by lightning strikes abounded. Incompetent humans. "I am sorry to disappoint, my lady, but I am not a machine."

She seemed unfazed by his direct answer, "Of course not," a half-smile that rather put him in mind of a triumphant, malicious cat, a long, thin sneer that revealed her upper-canines, contorted her features. Her face quickly dropped into an almost pained, hopeful expression."But that doesn't mean you understand why a sunset is beautiful or why people let their hearts be shackled by love."

No, it didn't. Somehow, she was right. They were things he'd never understand about the human being: beauty, love, trust. He examined her open, honest look, _like a lost, abused kitten_ , he thought. Ciel trusted her and she trusted him, yet they wouldn't tell each other about the last two years. Ciel trusted him to save his life, even though he was the boy's doom. But they had a solid contract, a good reason for trust. Trust. He'd never trusted anyone, not a demon and certainly not a human. You couldn't even trust them to be predictable, squirming little meals. "Excuse me, my lady, but the young master's afternoon tea is ready."

"I'll help," she pushed herself easily from the table. It wasn't an offer, it was a statement. Arrogant nobles, always expecting to get what they wanted and, for the most part, they did. She took the teacup from him and he eyed it cautiously. What was the likelihood of her spilling it up all these stairs, on a scale of one to ten? _Fourteen_ , he decided firmly, holding the kitchen door for her ladyship.

Her pace was long and languid, in fact, it almost matched his own fast, lengthy stride, and she walked head up, not in that arrogant, king-of-all-I-survey manner of the young master, but with a watchful grace. Although her movements were unhurried, her eyes flitted, taking in everything. "So," they rounded a corner "has Ciel taken on the family tradition?"

They had reached Ciel's study. Sebastian gave the teacup a cursory glance, noting with surprise that not a single drop had been spilt; bizarre creature.

* * *

Sebastian pushed Ciel's door and it swung open.

"I'm going to take that as a 'yes'," I said, the empty room answering my question for me. Ciel's chair sat vacant and the window stood open, curtains flapping in the breeze that turned the room into a hurricane of papers. I looked down at my hands, clutching a teacup in a storm.

"This is-" Sebastian started, seemingly more to himself. "Oh dear, how could this be?"

"Perhaps he has simply gone for a walk," I suggested lightheartedly.

Sebastian openly sneered at me. I'd like to say that didn't surprise me, but to my shame I was actually rather shocked by a servant's open hostility to a countess. Ignoring my comment entirely, he mused "And after all that, this tea is going to go to waste..."

Now it was my turn to be disparaging, "Really, Sebastian!? I think tea is the least of our concerns at the moment," I scolded.


End file.
